A few years ago, I read a book called ‘Stolen Focus’ by an author called Johan Hari. What I took away from that book was that we all need to do whatever we can to minimise our phone time and reclaim our lives and focus.
The argument in the book was so compelling that I actually switched to a flip phone for 18 months and have dabbled in screen reduction ever since. But that’s not the most interesting takeaway. The most interesting takeaway was that, whilst we can each take some personal responsibility for lowering our phone time, the system has set us up to fail.
The world’s greatest minds in that space have one job, and that job is to keep us on their devices, keep us on their apps, keep us consuming their content/ their ads/ their algorithms. And they will do everything in their power to achieve those objectives.
I hadn’t really thought about that for a while, but it has, in a way, become part of my belief system. I know that the phone is dangerous. I know the consequences of being on it too much – the personal consequences of lost time, lost creativity, and even lost hope.
I observe each day as part of my Awareness Practice how much screen time I have and how it’s affected me. I note that I sometimes feel powerless with it and use app blockers and phone jails when I’m extra vulnerable, but my phone is still a big part of my life and an invaluable tool.
Two years ago, I read another book by Johan Hari. ‘Magic Pill’. It’s a well-researched book on Ozempic (a weight loss drug) and the obesity epidemic.
Interestingly, whilst he was researching the book, Johan began taking Ozempic to meet his own weight loss goals, despite knowing the potential for dangerous side effects and that the drug is a lifetime sentence – once you start taking it, most people have to continue forever to keep their results.
Again, in this book, Johan spoke about personal responsibility and the idea that overweight and obese people are expected to simply employ a little more willpower to eat better and exercise more. Through his compelling arguments, he proved why “more willpower” is never going to be a solution to obesity.
You see, obesity is a systemic problem, and the system doesn’t support people to be healthy. Eating well is confusing, costly and often very unsatisfying if you have the wrong advice or approach.
Fast food, convenience food and processed food have been created to be literally addictive, with very misleading packaging and advertising to confuse matters further. Not to mention the role that childhood, DNA and trauma play in health.
These books and arguments have come to me this week as I contemplated my own dissatisfaction with life.
I’m a big believer in personal responsibility. I first heard the concept at a personal development event in 2018, and it spoke to me because it made me feel empowered – if I’m the only person responsible for my life, then I have the power to shape it. It also confirmed a bias that I’ve carried since childhood – that we all need to tough it up and move on with our lives. (This bias was directly inherited from my single mum, who, indeed, had to tough it up and get through because she had nothing to fall back on.)
NISI, 2018.
The personal responsibility piece even speaks to my eastern philosophical beliefs – that our souls chose this exact life and its challenges for their own evolution. (Therefore, even the worst thing that’s ever happened to you was something your soul chose for its own growth.)
So as I sat in shame and trigger and disempowerment this week in one of my lowest ebbs of recent years, I came back to the notion of personal responsibility.
I told Dreamboat on Tuesday that I’m so tired of trying so hard and getting nowhere. I felt like my low state was a direct reflection of my efforts somehow failing.
Just messages between lovers.
When we spoke more about it the next day, I said, “I am in the top percentage of people in the world when it comes to willpower, discipline and good habits. And I still feel like I am failing.”
And that’s when it hit me. I can take as much personal responsibility as I want, but when I live in the system, I will always be fighting an uphill battle.
All the breathwork in the world can’t offset the constant onslaught of information, paperwork, bureaucracy and workload that this life presents.
The best and cleanest diet in the world can’t offset the environmental toxins that we are exposed to in our water, our air and the electric signals zooming around us.
Daily emotional regulation doesn’t make you immune to the pressing, heavy mass of fear and unhappiness projected by the millions of humans in your proximity.
And the most disciplined amongst us can’t keep trying forever without realising that the MOTIVATIONS that drive us aren’t what they seem.
(Motivation is only ever driven by the subconscious, which has strong undercurrents of fear and lack. I try so much because I subconsciously believe that I’m a worthless human if I don’t.)
You might think this is disheartening. After all, how many of you are truly and honestly where you want to be in life?
Who amongst us hasn’t got a list of things they “should” be doing?
Who hasn’t read an article on manifesting and wondered what they’re doing wrong?
Has anyone reading this got a truly healthy relationship with money? (A strong belief that there’s always going to be enough.)
But I am not disheartened. In fact, I feel extremely empowered by my realisations, born from such a low point.
I still believe in personal responsibility. I still believe there are many, many ways to hack the system and win – look at what I’ve done these past years. AND, I also know that any failure on my part is often due to the things I am powerless against. The very system we live in.
Capitalism. The patriarchy. Corruption. The government. Billionaires. Trauma in my lineage – in my very DNA.
I plan to keep hacking the system as best as I can. I’m doing a pretty good job.
I need to start earning money again. As much as I hate capitalism and have let that resistance taint my life, the truth is that money buys options and freedom.
(I joked to a friend yesterday that I’m not going to ironically release a course on fighting capitalism and charge for it!)
Finally, I’m going to keep dreaming bigger. When I see an opportunity to fight the system, I’m going to take it. I’m going to keep sharing the things I know to be true. I’m going to keep reminding you that we don’t need to settle for the world we’ve inherited, that we do have the power to change things.
And when I fail, as I inevitably will, I won’t take it personally. Everything about our modern world has set me up for failure, and that makes my success all the sweeter.
Willpower is a wonderful thing. But partner it with perspective and self-awareness. Know that you’re doing the best you can with what you know. Keep improving. And never stop believing that it gets better.
The Year of the Horse, 2026.
Lauren x
P.S. My world almost collided with Johan’s world recently in a very weird way, which definitely brought his work to the forefront of my mind. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, and I feel divinely guided in my recent awakenings. Nothing is an accident.
P.P.S. Three posts in a row this week. I am feeling more clarity, more confidence and more momentum than I have in years, and it all came from deep pain. Try to read them in order if you find the time – they tell a story.
“This is the best I’ve got” – sent 18th February, 2026 (published to the blog 25th February, 2026)
“I’m embarrassed” – sent 19th February, 2026 (published to the blog 25th February, 2026)
“Just get some more willpower” – sent 20th February, 2026 (published to the blog 25th February, 2026)
**Originally published to my email database on the 20th of February, 2026**
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