Who am I? When you think about Lauren Bath, what traits and accomplishments come to mind?
Many of you probably think of me as confident, outgoing and creative.
You might also think of me as entrepreneurial and successful. (Well, when I put my mind to it, anyway.)
I am all of those things. I’m a woman who knows who she is. I’m disciplined in my habits. I have alternate views, yes, but I’m also open-minded, curious, optimistic, and empathetic. I’m not afraid to speak my mind or put myself out there.
A recent podcast in which I was interviewed.
In my day-to-day life, I eat clean, organic foods that I prepare at home. I prioritise good sleep—and wake up clear-headed and excited to start my day. My emotional state fluctuates mildly, and most days I show up feeling grateful, hopeful and surrendered. I am powerful, in control and self-assured. And I get a lot of stuff done throughout my structured, energised days.
I never fail to feel like I am winning at life when I make cold-pressed green juice.
But there’s another Lauren that you’ve never met. Another version, let’s say.
This Lauren is a touch more chaotic. Her thoughts swirl with resistance to the world around her. She feels things —a lot of things. And she’s angry. This Lauren wants the world to be a better place, but she doesn’t have the energy or brain power to execute any of her ideas.
There’s so much to say that she just doesn’t say any of it.
This version wakes up late every day and starts the day feeling behind. Discipline, for her, is hard won. Some habits remain, but many fall down. Chocolate features prominently in her diet, and so does toast. The green juices, intricate lunchboxes, home-baked banana breads, and supplements fall away.
Breakfast with my alter ego.
This Lauren is working with the bare minimum. She gives her kids more screen time than usual, clocks up plenty herself, too, and often slumps into bed at 6:30 PM, leaving Dreamboat to take care of the kids’ bath time.
Her emotional state is a little more … volatile. Anger is always close at hand, and also shame. Because there’s something wrong with her, because her habits are slipping. Because nothing is getting done, and she’s running out of time.
This Lauren feels powerless against the world. She’s in dismay at what she sees unfolding out there. But, she thinks, who is she to do anything about it?
We can all agree that the two Laurens I have outlined are very different people. Are you ready for the twist?
These two versions of myself alternate, with predictable regularity, every 28 days of my life.
Confident, self-assured, disciplined, optimistic, productive Lauren usually wakes up around day 6 or 7 of my menstrual cycle and sometimes sticks around until day 25. (Although she’s been known to vacate at day 23 at times.)
Chaotic, angry, powerless, ashamed, chocolate-eating Lauren comes to play around day 25 and is generally running the show right through our bleed and up until day 6 or 7.
When I am one version or the other, it’s almost impossible to remember what it’s like to be the other. You could say it’s like having split personalities. The entire world around me —and how I feel about it —is different.
But I’m not crazy. And neither of the versions of me are wrong. In fact, chaotic Lauren in particular has a lot to offer the world.
What I am is a normal, healthy woman in the prime of her life, experiencing a normal, healthy menstrual cycle in a world that doesn’t allow for one. Let me explain.
Our society is set up to support people who are consistent. Capitalism and the patriarchy are both systems under which we live that promote, overtly and covertly, progress, growth and predictability.
Men are innately suited to thrive in the world we live in. Men, who experience a predictable, daily cycle of testosterone that mimics the sun. The sun is always there, always consistent. The sun comes up each day and sets each night. Men, from one day to the next, are pretty much the same version.
Women, by intelligent design, instead experience a cycle that mimics the moon. Some days we are full and bursting with energy and vitality, and others we disappear entirely.
La luna. My favourite muse.
Those days of our cycle when we feel confident and powerful? They’re like the peak of spring. We blossom. We bloom. From an evolutionary standpoint point we are pumped full of hormones that will encourage us to attract a mate, engage in sexual activity and create life from an egg in our body.
This energy is literally creator energy. Enough energy to spark life itself.
When I am at this peak, I run rings around my husband. My energy is unstoppable.
I always wear the hot pink yoga pants when I’m ovulating, and I look damn fine in them!
And those other days? Those days of our cycle when we feel tired and emotional? They’re supposed to be our winter. We are, quite literally, supposed to rest and hibernate to allow our bodies the time they need to build up to the next astonishing peak of power.
Not all days are the same, and that’s the truth!
We are angry because the pillars of the society we live in don’t allow for that rest. But if we somehow manage to carve it out and resist the shame, it can be the most powerful part of our month. Here, we sit deeply into our intuition and experience the emotional fluctuations that spur us to take action against injustice at a more appropriate time in our cycle.
I don’t want to bath my kids, make green juice, and bustle around with an air of importance during this time. I want to sit with myself and plan for a better world. I want the veil between my mind and my spirit to lift so that I can access deeper truth. I want to rest, damn it.
I’m only discovering the magic of my menstrual cycles now, as I race towards the end of them. Why? Because between the ages of 16 and 38, I was taking the contraceptive pill. A hormonal “solution” to pregnancy that suppresses natural hormones and robs women of the opportunity to know themselves deeply.
Almost all the women I know fall into two camps:
- They’ve only ever known their cycle as a suppressed/ diluted version due to hormonal interventions. (The pill and other birth control) or,
- They’ve known their cycle but have had strong opinions on which version of themself is better – shaming the other. This mostly means venerating the outwardly powerful version of themselves and denying the emotional, chaotic one.
Here’s a novel idea. How about women’s health is better understood and taught to girls, and cycles are recognised as the superpower they are?
How about we stop shaming ourselves and other women for needing rest, time and a bit more damn chocolate as we approach our bleed?
How about each of us make it our sacred duty to love both versions of ourselves and take the anger we feel in our chaotic phase to fuel the action we’re capable of in our power phase?
This is what I’m currently playing with—using my cycle the way nature intended.
Generating all of my power and creator life force and using it to its fullest as my energy blooms, and feeling all of the world’s pain as it fades, and I ponder the world I want to live in—one with space for women to flow with their incredible cycles. One with more flexibility, compassion and love.
I am not broken. You are not broken. Women were made this way for a reason – and it’s time we remembered.
Women are powerful beyond measure, and NOTHING about our nature or cycles is an accident. We literally create life.
I wrote an email at the peak of my PMS last month. I had a crazy cycle. My theory is that our cycles get stronger as we approach menopause—they don’t want to be ignored.
A snippet of what angers me (everything) as I approach my bleed. Want this email?
I didn’t send that email. It felt too different. There wasn’t enough context to explain the change in tone and attitude. The subject line was, “I’m angry”.
I’d be willing to send it, unedited, if enough of you express interest. I have so much to say on the topic of cycles and how the world has fucked women. I also have a lot more knowledge I need to share. There’s a small ember inside of me that is asking to be fanned. I’m almost ready to step outside of my own long winter and this season of early motherhood. I’m excited for it.
Lauren X
**Originally published to my email database on the 23rd of October, 2025**
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