The last time I felt deeply certain about myself and my place in the world was in Zimbabwe in June 2019.
I’d just finished running back-to-back photography tours, showing a dozen international travellers a country I’d fallen in love with. The tours touched on animal conservation, supported Emmanuel’s family and drew on all of my experience and passion for ethical travel.
Remember this guys? 2019.
As I left Zim, I had no idea that I was pregnant, and no way of foretelling that the world would be in the grips of a global pandemic within a year.
I couldn’t have predicted that I’d scale two virtual businesses to seven figures, give birth to two babies and give up business entirely in the next three and a half years.
And I wouldn’t have guessed that it would be six long years before I’d see Emmanuel’s family again.
In 2022, heavily pregnant with William and newly retired from business, I said to Emmanuel that we needed to get to Zim. My intuition said, Go. Go, go, go. Figure out why later. Emmanuel stalled me. He wasn’t ready.
2022. I KNEW we had to be in Zim. We didn’t go.
The calling came again this year. It was even worse timing because we were without the financial means for the trip. And yet, “We’re going”, I declared to Emmanuel in June.
As with all of the callings I’ve felt compelled to follow over my life, the universe conspired to make it work. A points redemption covered our airfares, which were randomly also on sale. Grandma slipped me some cash; our family tax benefit was balanced, and we had some money owed. We even got some tax back from an earlier drawing on our superannuation. The days passed quickly, and soon we were up in the air and on our way back to Zimbabwe.
The last leg – Johannesburg to Harare. August 2025.
A month ago, I didn’t know why I needed to go. Now that I’m back, I do. I was seeking closure on my old life and lessons for my new one. I received both.
So much has happened since I last sent an email to this list. Maybe one day I’ll have the words to talk about some of it. Life has been eerily good. Great, even. It feels like everything in my life is unfolding exactly as it’s meant to. I have completely lost the desire to pressure myself or worry about the timing of my next steps.
My level of certainty is as high as it’s ever been. I know that I’m done with baby-making. I feel … complete, whereas before I didn’t.
I want more for my life, but I’m equally satisfied with what I have.
Importantly, I don’t do ANYTHING because I “should”. I wait for the energy to feel right, and then I lean in. I haven’t sent an email to this list since April purely because I haven’t felt like it. (It has also been winter, and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed a peaceful hibernation without second-guessing myself and fretting about whether I’ll ever feel like “showing up” again.)
Winter looked like this. 2025.
So, Zimbabwe. Zimbabwe was … tough. I know that I’ve touched on this before, but Emmanuel’s family is poor. When I stay with the family in Zimbabwe, there are daily electricity cuts. There is no running water. Each day, I heat a saucepan of water on the stove and prepare a bath in a bucket. My diet consists of a staple called ‘sadza’, a kind of white polenta, and simple vegetable sides. I’m surrounded by people, always. There are always many family members sharing a roof. (This time around, there were 20 of us staying in Emmanuel’s family home.) It is far from the quiet, abundant, peaceful life of freedom that I have cultivated here over the past years.
You know I needed an excuse to share this shot. William. August 2025. Chitungwiza, Zimbabwe.
Sadza with green vegetables and tomato ‘soup’. The food filled my belly, but didn’t deeply satiate me the way that my diet at home does.
Journaling with an audience. (Which varied in size from several kids to a dozen.)
Primarily because of the struggle of daily life, lack of adequate nutrition, and overwhelm that comes from being around people 24/7, I felt myself going into survival mode while I was there.
I recognise that state, my awareness work has given me the space to.
I didn’t judge myself for it, but instead cultivated a wonderful surrender and curiosity about it.
Best believe my Awareness Journal was put to good use in Zimbabwe. I didn’t miss a day.
When my thoughts started to whisper that I needed to get back to work so I could help more, I clocked the thought but didn’t attach to it.
When my thoughts explored restarting my tours to bring opportunities and hope to the family, I observed the way my body closed down even as my mind started to track the tasks I would have to do.
I paid particular attention to the belief that it was somehow my responsibility to combat generational poverty in Zimbabwe. I noticed the “big-ness” of it, and how constricted I felt when I joylessly thought about what I “should” do to help more.
I also observed other things. The keen interest in photography that many of my nieces and nephews share from my previous visits, the openness of the kids as I spoke about yoga, breathwork, gratitude and awareness, and the desire to travel abroad to study that is shared by the older kids.
Makia pictured with Lauren and Mason, our niece and nephew, who were named after my brother and I in 2019. (Now big kids!)
I realised that I’d already had a massive impact on these people purely by challenging their perception of the world – by showing up and being me.
They, and many others around the world who aren’t as privileged as we are, don’t need rescuing. They need awakening. To see another way and understand that it is possible for them. Emmanuel has a powerful story to tell about this one day. His journey to Australia was nothing short of a miracle – you would understand if you saw where he came from. What he started, and what we continued as we partnered and embraced Zimbabwe, IS the generational change for his family.
Emmanuel showing the young ones how it’s done. With our nephew Malvern Junior (Juju). August 2025.
I went to Zimbabwe to bring closure to a chapter. To explore if there was anything else I needed to DO there. And I discovered that I only need to BE there.
Although there are no plans for a tour (for now), Uncle Eddie was excited to taste cacao and explore the possibility of growing some trees on his land. Conversations and exposure to new ideas are the thing. 2025.
As for work, business, purpose and all of that, my only plan now is to chase the passion. Success has always followed me when I’ve been unapologetically selfish.
During the times I’ve martyred myself to “help the world”, life has felt hard. Whenever I’ve chased my passions and led with fun, miracles have followed. (And I bet a great many of you were more inspired by my Instagrammer journey than my presentations on “scaling a business”.)
Right now, I’m passionate about being aligned with the cycles of life, staying regulated and treating my body like a temple. I’m passionate about curiosity and awareness – bringing levity to my human experience. I’m passionate about paying attention to the subtle clues that I’m on the “right” track, versus the “wrong” one. I’m always passionate about telling stories and creating, bonus points if I’m working with my hands. So for now, I’ll continue to pursue these passions wholeheartedly. If there’s a business in there somewhere, cool. If not, cool. I trust that what is meant for me will find me.
And in the meantime, there’s always the beach.
I’m privileged to be back. I’ve missed this.
Love Lauren X
**Originally published to my email database on the 12th of September, 2025**
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